Daniel and Sarah lay quietly in each other’s arms basking in the communication they just shared. Daniel tightens his grip around his wife and gently kisses her as he whispers in her ear, “I love you.” Sarah softly caresses his arm around her but as she responds with her own, “I love you,” she feels an uneasy twang rising in her stomach. Closing her eyes, she drifts off to a moment stolen in time. She sees herself, the willing participant, pinned against a wall and locked in the embrace of Michael, who rendered her helpless as he passionately kissed her mouth and neck as his hands explored her body. She shudders at the thought and tries hard to put it out her mind to focus her attention on her husband. Daniel laughs quietly and says, “Yea baby, I’m still feeling it too.” She turns to face him and with tears welling up in her eyes, she says, “I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that baby; I’m not going anywhere.”
She nestles in his arms, breathing in his cologne, which takes her on another journey in her mind. There in the door of their beach house, wind blowing through her hair, she’s looking out over the waters silently thanking God for blessing her with such a good man. Caught up in the majestic scenery, she did not hear the footsteps approaching her until she felt his breath on her neck. Turning to embrace her husband, she jumps suddenly as she sees Michael and not her husband Daniel.
Question: Could fantasies between married couples be considered adultery?
Stay with me on this one and I will tie it all together for you; Promise!
OK, what is adultery, or is the better question, what do most people consider adultery to be? Jesus said in Matthew 5:27 – 28,
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Adultery (Greek: moicheia) – unlawful sexual intercourse, illicit connection with a married person, marital infidelity; covers any form of unfaithfulness
Most people consider adultery to mean extramarital intercourse but Jesus expanded the act to include lusting after another. Adultery affects the family dynamics, of course. Love and affection should be reserved for your own spouse but many people, nowadays, reach outside the marriage with the excuse to “spice up” the marriage. Umm hmm, yea, poppycock, but let’s just assume one’s marriage did need a little spicing up. Is an extramarital affair, really the answer? Of course not! Well, what’s a couple to do? Glad you asked.
To be sure, we are not advocating “open marriages,” as is the case many of our Hollywood favorites are doing. See that’s just a way of popularizing the idea but that goes against God’s order. Marriage does not have to be boring and one does not have to go outside of or include others in the marriage. Use your imagination, get creative, and spice up your own marriage.
See, this is where most get this thing all twisted. You are footloose and fancy free before you get married, and then after marriage you turn into a prude, what gives? Many would do well to remember the scripture that says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge,” Hebrews 13:4. Now this does not give you a carte blanche ticket to do just whatever, but it does it give you liberty to have fun in your marriage. The Message Bible puts it this way, “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” Sacredness is partially defined as, reverently dedicated to some person, purpose, or object; regarded with reverence; secured against violation, infringement, etc., as by reverence or sense of right. One is to guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy dedicated to their spouse; you guard it, not lock it up.
To defile the marriage bed is to go against established laws God set in place. Leviticus 18 gives a whole list of unlawful sexual relations. Basically, you aren’t to bring anyone into the marriage bed except your own spouse. So what can you do to spice up your marriage? You and your spouse can play out your fantasies but make sure, when you fantasize about Pete, the firefighter, or Fifi, the waitress, that Pete is your husband and Fifi is your wife. Don’t be putting Frank’s face and body on Pete and Sissy’s bumps and curves on Fifi. Alternatively, take a visit to Victoria’s Secrets or Frederick’s of Hollywood, or if you are bold enough, an adult store; just be sure to keep it in check and in balance. Spice up your marriage, re-spark the romance, and live out your fantasy, WITH YOUR OWN SPOUSE! Games, dress-up, role-play, well that’s up to you and your spouse. Have fun, be free, and keep it interesting. Understand if you don’t, someone else will be glad to. Your spouse may not reciprocate, but that does not mean that that person on the outside won’t try. Many of the sins that are causing Christians to fall are sexual ones; do not give your spouse a reason to even think he/she has to look elsewhere. This is what needs to be taught in the Church. Take care of your spouse and keep the marriage bed pure.
We will come back to this and deal with other subjects, such as intimacy in marriage and family order in another note.
With an everlasting love, God loves you. He sent Jesus to die for you, to redeem you from eternal torment and spiritual death. The devil, our enemy, on the other hand, cares nothing about you. Because you are a child of the King, he hates you and wants to destroy you, if he can’t get you to turn on God (cf. John 10:10). Satan is only our enemy by association; his opponent is God the Father. Because he can’t be the Big Boss, large and in charge, then he goes after everything and everyone connected to God. This feud is like that of the Hatfields and McCoys; they’ve been feuding so long it’s been passed down through generations. Like the Arabs and Jews, this fight has been perpetuated for centuries.
Oh I love to tell the story of how my Savior came from glory to save a wretch like me. True love is demonstrated by His unfailing love for me, the fact that He died and rose again!